I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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