The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
