I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
