well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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