What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
