"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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