Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
