do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
