We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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