my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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