Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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