Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
