But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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