battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
