i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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