A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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