Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
