Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize