I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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