DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize