i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
