i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
