sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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