My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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