She's JV to your varsity
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
