I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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