Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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