Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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