Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
