everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
