I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
