I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize