i just google imaged poop.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
