If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
