She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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