She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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