We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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