i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
