I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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