Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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