remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
