I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize