I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize