goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I look better un-naked...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
