you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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