I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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