Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
