Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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