I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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