Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My ass is underappreciated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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