No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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