Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
