Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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