i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we're making bets on your personal life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
