I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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