I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
