Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
