so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
