I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
