AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
