It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
