He kissed a someone with a penis
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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