Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
