a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, beer. Big fan.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize